Peace

**So all of my blog post are long. I am going to stop warning you and you can just read it if you want to.**

So my blog is not necessarily a religious blog even though it might seem like it. It just turns out that the only things that matter in my life can all be linked back to the Gospel. So no it is not a religious blog it is a blog about life.

These last couple weeks and months I have had the strangest sense of peace. It all started when I applied to be on the A-team at USU. The A-team is the freshmen orientation group on campus. I really wanted this job and was hopeful that I would get it. When I got the letter back saying I did not make it there was a hand written note at the bottom from the cute girl how is in charge of hiring people. The note said that she really wanted to hire me but could not and she asked me to please try again next year. After reading this note I just knew that the A-team was not where I was needed this summer. From then on I have had this peaceful feeling that it would all work out.

Now I always know that it will always work out but I usually stress anyway. Not this time, I have been applying for summer job after summer job and not getting any of them, and for the most part I was okay with it because I still had this peace. One day I got really sick of applying for all of these jobs that I thought would be fun and that I was perfect for. So out of anger and frustration I decided to apply for the Hurd committee. The Hurd is Utah States cheering section and the committee is over tail gating parties, student involvement with sports, service and a lot more (I am not actually sure what all they do). The next thing I know I am the new service head for the Hurd committee for 2013-2014.

At this point I was panicking, my school schedule for next year is going to be very time consuming and I work part time during the school year. Now I was going to have to juggle even more.   I did not know how I was going to make it work. Actually it finally set in that I got the position; the peace came back to me. Peace that God would not have let me get the position if it was not something I could hand, and if it was not where I was supposed to be. I also realized this has been an answer to my prays, and not just one of them. I pray for help to become more social, for the strength to meet new people, and for the opportunity to serve others. I am very excited to get the chance to meet new people and I hope that I will be able to bless people’s lives with the service projects I choose for next year. I know I will not be alone in this decision.

The moral of the story is, once again, that God has a plan for me and it is not just and end result. He does not just want me to return to live with him. He wants the time I spend on this Earth to strengthen and prepare me for what he as waiting for me after this life. I still have not found a summer job, I don’t know how I am going to make rent, and I don’t know what will happen next year or how all of this is going to work out. None of that matters, I know it is out of my hands and in more capable, knowledgeable hands.  No matter what happens, and where this all takes me in know that… Life Goes On.

Fathers

***Warning: This post is very long. My feelings will not be hurt if you don't read it!***

The last couple weeks I have been thinking a lot about Fathers. We left my own Father all alone over his birthday last week, and this week he is in the hospital recovering from knee surgery. My Brother in-law is preparing to be a new Father to a baby boy. I also have a loving Heavenly Father who I try to think about always. These men have many things in common. 

My own Father loves me and would do anything for me, I know that. If you know him you know that he shows those feelings in his own unique way. I no longer live with my Earthly father. I do not get to talk to him very much. He does not really like to talk on the phone and when he does it is mostly me talking and him listening. Mostly I email him. He always writes me back, it may not be right away but I always get an answer. He always knows what is going on in  my life and is aware of me and my needs.   He wants me to be save and be able to return to him. He gives me everything he can to make that possible. He made sure I had my concealed carry permit so I could protect myself before I was old enough for that he made sure I had pepper spray with me. Just this week he started a 72 hour kit for me and told me it was my "get home bag", but it did not have everything in it. He also gave me a list of things I needed to add to the kit. 

This week I related this to my Heavenly Father as well. My Heavenly Father loves me and has given me so many protections to use to get back to Him. Before I was old enough for the Gift of the Holy Ghost He gave me a family that could watch over and protect me. When I was old enough for the Spirit He provided me with the tools necessary to be able to use it. Obviously I no longer live with my Father in Heaven either. I have to communicate with Him in the same fashion that I do with my Earthly Father. I may not get my answer right a way, and it is not always the answer I want but it always comes. Like the kit my Father started for me my Heavenly Father gave me the basics I would need to get back. Again this kit will not get me all the way back unless I do some of my own preparation.

(Dad being a dork)

I know they both planned it this way so that they could help me even more. I had to want to come back to them and I also have to do my part. They both let me have my agency (which has to be scary for a parent) and watch over me to help if I use it in the wrong way. Seeing how much my Mother and Father love me and  the sacrifices they would and do make for me makes me grateful for their love. It makes me want to do everything I can so they do not have to make those sacrifices and to not cause them any pain. If they love me that much I cannot even comprehend how much my Heavenly Parents love me. I could not imagine what they would give to have me return to live with them. I have to try even harder to not hurt them or cause them pain in anyway. 

(I had to throw a good one in here)

I know my Heavenly Father has a plan for me that will work out. I know that he as made more worlds then we can comprehend and that he has more children then worlds. I also know that he took the time to develop a perfect plan for me. My own individual plan that is not like anyone else's. He knows where I will end up in this life and the next but he still takes the time to comfort me when I am lost and discouraged. He helps me remember the eternal perspective. I know as long as I am communicating with him everything will end with a Happily EVER After. If I do my part... Life Will Go On Forever. 

(P.S. Sorry it was so long I wanted to get that off my chest. Father and families in general are a wonderful blessing. Remind them how much you love them.) 

Where my Happily Ever After Begins

More Reasons That Life Goes On

It has been a while so this might be a long one. Hold on to your emotions, here we go. 

I don't even know where to start. Over Spring break our family has some pretty crazy, hard days. My Great Grandma was getting some tests done to see what is wrong with here. My Uncle was also getting tests done on his heart and we were waiting to hear the results of these test. On top of that our dear Annie was hospitalized Wednesday night because she was having seizures. We spend most of Wednesday night at the hospital with here. Thursday morning she was transferred to the local Vet. Thursday we had to make the decision to let our friend go. Now I know that not everyone loves does. My family is a dog loving family. We even put them in our family pictures (pictured below). Now I am not a huge dog person, but I cried for most of this 24 hour period that Annie was suffering and I do not feel stupid or ashamed because of that. I never imagined it would be so hard to lose her. She is missed. We did get some good news that day. My uncles test went well, better than we were expecting. He is going to be okay and that makes me very happy. He has a beautiful family and he is loved and need here on this Earth. We did not get anything from my Grandma's test. She is still not doing very well. We are heading out to see her next week. I am excited to see her and serve her in any way I can. We also got a new puppy. Her name is Izzy or Red Devil/Death. Which ever you prefer. She is spoiled and not as cool and Annie. We are working on it. 

Annie is the black and white dog on the right. Foxy is the fat one on the left. 

I said this would be long....

If you know me at all you should be surprised I have not talked about this already. 

That same Thursday night that we had to put Annie down the USU Basketball team played in the WAC tournament in Vegas. I was already emotional drained and their loss just sent me over the edge. I have not even thought about or talked about Basketball. I am finally over that and ready to move on. 

Our team this year had so many trials to over come. If you know me you know that I was right there with the for the ups and downs. Most of the hard core fans were. There was so we many heartbreaks this year and not very many joys. But no one can say that those boys did not give it everything they had all the way to the end. Even though we did not have a great season  my feels never changed for Aggie Basketball. I love being a part of the HURD. I love experiencing the ups and downs with the team and with my class mates. No matter what happens during the season, if the team is still out there giving it their all no one can ever take that a way form Utah State. After every season I go in to a Post Basketball Depression. Which is what is happening now. I need to find something else to help me bring some excitement to my mundane life. I have to  find reasons to make Jessica come to Logan. I need something to look forward to. As of now I have not found that. I still go to school, do homework, go to work, go to sleep, and do it all again the next day. Which sucks. But Aggie Football starts soon and Basketball always comes back with new hope, promise, and  excitement. Until next season I Believe That.... Life Goes On. 

Weak Moments

I did not want to put this on my blog but it have to get it out and that is what my blog is for, to get things off my chest and tell them to everyone and no one. 

I am a smart, pretty, funny girl and I cannot get a date if my life depended on it. I have narrowed this down to two reasons. 1) Boys no longer date they 'hang out' and 2) I am not social enough. There is nothing I can do about the first one. The second one I have a hard time with. All through high school I was social; I had a lot of friends, both boys and girls. My first three years of college I was always out there. I go to all the church meeting and even had parties at my apartment to try and get us all married. That worked for a lot of my roommates. I have had at least one roommate get married every year I have been up here. This year I have stopped going to all the extra ‘get married’ activities and I am still in the same boat. I have no dates, and no hopefuls. So what is the problem? I know I am not the only girl out there with this problem. 

I hate carrying about this so much. I go day-by-day and love myself, I am confident and I don't need a man to make me happy. Some days I even love being single and am thankful I don't have someone in my life, but not today. This is such a first world problem and I hate crying about it. There are people, who don't know where they are going to get their next meal, and people die every minute and here I am crying like a baby because I can't get a date. I want to tell myself that it is just Satan trying to make me feel like there is something wrong with me (if so he does a good job about once every two months) but the way the single wards push marriage on you does not help. They make it seem like this huge deal that we are not getting married fast enough. 

My family does not really understand this, and that is not their fault. My mom dated a lot in high school and married my dad right after high school. My older sister had many dates and multiple boyfriends and now is married and very happy. My younger sister always has a boyfriend and encourages me to get out there and date more. Like I am not out there, like I am not trying. I know they mean well, but this is my trial not theirs. 

So tomorrow I will get back out there and I will keep trying. I will keep praying for strength and guidance. I will continue to have faith and hope that if I live righteously everything that I have been promised will be given to me. But tonight I am going to cry. I am going to let myself wonder what is wrong with me. I am even going to post my thought and feeling on this blog. Tomorrow I will wake up, I will smile, I will laugh and it will not be forced. Tomorrow I will be happy because I deserve to me and my life is wonderful. No matter what happens tomorrow I know that... Life Goes On.

I am Beautiful

It feel like everyone has been talking about this lately but it is on my mind and I would like to share it with who ever sees this. My hope is that my sisters will take a look at this post, but we will see. 

The world has its own idea of beauty that is always changing. I have never been one of those girls that looked at a magazine and said 'I want to look like that lady' but I know there are girl out there who do. Who are these people who get to tell the world what is beautiful and in style. Why should 'they' (whoever they maybe) tell people what to do with their bodies. Every man, women, and child is beautiful in the eyes of God. It that not enough? I guess it all depends on if you care more about what people think of you or what God thinks of you. 

I, for one, know I am a child of God. I am made in his image and not only does he love me but  he thinks I am  beautiful. That is all I need. Are there things about my body that I would not mind changing? Sure, but do I lose sleep over it? No. If this is the way God made me then I will take it and run with it and make it the best I can. 

Beauty is in the eyes of the holder. When I think of beauty these are some of the people that come to mind. they are not models, they are beautiful women/girls. 

All but one of these pictures were not take professorially or edited. This is true beauty to me.

Lauren I always gorgouse no matter what she is doing

Madi is the perfect cheerleader. 

She is nice to everyone and radiant.  

Then there is Amanda. Her beauty does not need words.

These amazing girls all came from a mother who is the same way. She is a strong independent women who does not need the world to tell here she is pretty. I don't think she hears this enough, but she is beautiful and a great example to her four girls. 

Just more reasons that my....Life Goes On.

Dear Boys

I have always wanted to do a Dear Boys post. 

So here we go...

Dear Stalker,

When you smile and wave at me my heart melts. You make me feel like I am in high school again. Please stop doing that. 

Love Your Former Boss.

Dear T-low,

You are killing what little game I do have. You drive me nuts and not in a good way! 

Love Your Friend.

Dear Boy,

Thank you for proving me right. I knew you had it in you the whole time. You are going to be a star one day.

Love Your Number One Fan.

P.S. I still think you are really cute. 

Dear Love,

I know it is almost time to go off-again. In this on-again off-again relationship we have. Every time it kills me and I am just about to move on and then you come back to me. 

I will always wait for you. 

Love... Life Goes On.

So I don't know how to put her cute Dear Boys icon on my page but I will find out. 
This idea comes from Elise's Pieces.

Class Assignment

This post if for a class assignment, feel free to disregard it.

My Philosophy:

My teaching philosophy is simple. I want to be the teacher that makes children love school. I want to be the teacher that helps struggling students see that they can do it. I know school is easy for some and hard for others and I will have both types of children in my classroom. My goal is to help them all learn as much as they can while they are in my classroom. that is my philosophy in a nut shell. 

Why I want to be a Teacher:

I want to be a teacher because of all the bad teachers I had in elementary school. I also want to be a teacher because of all the wonderful teacher I had in school that proved to me that I can do anything I want in life. I was one of those students who had a hard time in school. Some of my teacher did not want to deal with me and others did everything they could to help me. I want to be a teacher so that children have a teacher that believes in them. 

My Plans for Teaching:

I am double majoring in Early Childhood Education and Elementary Education. After I graduate I plan to teach in an elementary school for a while, at least 5 years. I would prefer to teach 4th grade but I am not picky. After that it is my dream to one day open my own preschool. I would like to teach in the public school system until my dream of a preschool can become a reality.