Weak Moments

I did not want to put this on my blog but it have to get it out and that is what my blog is for, to get things off my chest and tell them to everyone and no one. 

I am a smart, pretty, funny girl and I cannot get a date if my life depended on it. I have narrowed this down to two reasons. 1) Boys no longer date they 'hang out' and 2) I am not social enough. There is nothing I can do about the first one. The second one I have a hard time with. All through high school I was social; I had a lot of friends, both boys and girls. My first three years of college I was always out there. I go to all the church meeting and even had parties at my apartment to try and get us all married. That worked for a lot of my roommates. I have had at least one roommate get married every year I have been up here. This year I have stopped going to all the extra ‘get married’ activities and I am still in the same boat. I have no dates, and no hopefuls. So what is the problem? I know I am not the only girl out there with this problem. 

I hate carrying about this so much. I go day-by-day and love myself, I am confident and I don't need a man to make me happy. Some days I even love being single and am thankful I don't have someone in my life, but not today. This is such a first world problem and I hate crying about it. There are people, who don't know where they are going to get their next meal, and people die every minute and here I am crying like a baby because I can't get a date. I want to tell myself that it is just Satan trying to make me feel like there is something wrong with me (if so he does a good job about once every two months) but the way the single wards push marriage on you does not help. They make it seem like this huge deal that we are not getting married fast enough. 

My family does not really understand this, and that is not their fault. My mom dated a lot in high school and married my dad right after high school. My older sister had many dates and multiple boyfriends and now is married and very happy. My younger sister always has a boyfriend and encourages me to get out there and date more. Like I am not out there, like I am not trying. I know they mean well, but this is my trial not theirs. 

So tomorrow I will get back out there and I will keep trying. I will keep praying for strength and guidance. I will continue to have faith and hope that if I live righteously everything that I have been promised will be given to me. But tonight I am going to cry. I am going to let myself wonder what is wrong with me. I am even going to post my thought and feeling on this blog. Tomorrow I will wake up, I will smile, I will laugh and it will not be forced. Tomorrow I will be happy because I deserve to me and my life is wonderful. No matter what happens tomorrow I know that... Life Goes On.