Last Days In Logan

On this, my last day in Logan, I want to talk about what I have learned in five years. Five years ago around this time I was a senior in high school sitting in on college day. I thought I wanted to go to Snow. I was convinced that that was the right place for me. After I sat in on the presentation for Snow College I knew it was the wrong place for me. My friends suggested we go to the Utah State presentation. Honestly I thought USU and U of U were the same place. That shows how much I know. After five minutes I know that is where I needed to be. As they say the rest is history.  

While in Logan I was mainly going to school. I have loved my time being an Aggie (once an Aggie always an Aggie). I have gotten a great education and grown up a ton. I would not be where I am today without the people I have been blessed to meet in Logan. These people are who I really want to talk about today.  There are four people that have come in to my life in Logan and my life will never be the same because of them.

The first person is one that will probably surprise her. This person was meant to be in my life. We have worked in multiple church callings together. We have also worked together. This girl is an amazing person and she will never really know how much I truly look up to here. This person is a living and breathing example of a disciple of Jesus Christ.  I don’t talk to her as much as I would like to but I truly home to stay in contact with her and I wish her all the best. Number one of my four (in more particular order) is Elise Frederickson. Thank you for all that you have done.

Second and third go hand in hand. These people are angles in my life. They answer more of my prayers than they would ever know. I want to thank them for being so in tune with the spirit that they were able to bless my life so much. In the last two years whenever I felt like I could not handle life anymore, or when I was going to break down. All I had to do was show up at your door and in one hour (or five) life was manageable again. These two individuals see the best in me and give me confidence. Unfortunately for them they will never be able to get a way for me even if they try. If they have not guessed yet number two and three are Tiff and Curtis. Please know that you mean more to me than you will ever know.  Thank you for all you do.

Last but not least this person is my partner in crime. My first roommate, we lived in that same city for nine months and from them we may have lived apart but we will always be best friends. My children will think of her as an aunt. I have not been a very good friend to you lately but I know that no matter what you will be there when I need you. I hope you know that I will always be there when you need me.  Jessica you are the best! Thanks for all you do.

Over all I have been truly blessed.  My time in Logan has been a life changing experience. I am so excited to move home and be with my family but at the same time I am not ready for this part of my life to end. Today will be a hard day, but it will be another beginning in my life. Just because there is an ending coming does not mean that there is not another beginning starting. I look forward to what will happen next in my life and I want to thank all of the people who have touched my life in the last five years. Although I only mentioned four people there are countless people that have taught me lessons. 

No matter what happens next...Life Goes On.

Dear Boys

Dear Gus,

It is a good thing we do not do that every weekend. Let’s do it again soon!

Love, Shawn

Dear Aggie Boys,

I was so proud of you on Saturday night, last night not so much. This emotional rollercoaster is killing me! Can we try winning? Just a thought. No matter what I love you.

Love…Life Goes On

Dear Boy,

There are NO words! WOW! I love it! I love you!

Love, Your Number One Fan

Dear Showoff,

Who knew we had so much in common. I might even like you.

Love, The observer

Dear Homie,  

It is cute how you blush every time we talk. Gus thinks your weird but I don’t know what to think.

Love Your Calling

Moment #1

Moment from the last week of my life:

That moment when you realize how grateful you are to have amazing people in your life that will be there for you no matter what.

That moment when you realize ignorance is bliss and wish with all your heart you go back to being ignorant.

That moment when you see your prayers being answered and you can’t help but smile.

The moment you know your whole life will change in the next 11 weeks, and you feel scared, excited and sad all at once.

That moment when you love someone no matter what they have said or done even though it kills you.

That moment when you remember you are never alone, and if you only see on set of footprints it is because He is carrying you through this time in your life.  

The moment your remember that … Life Goes On. 

Moments Intro

Wow! It has been a while. When nothing is happening in your life you have a lot more time to blog but nothing to blog about. 

Even though I don't have a lot going on in my life right now I always have moments. Let me explain that. I have come to realize that life is made up of moments. These moments make up who we are. The moments I am talking of are not just the everyday moments in life. These moments are the ones that have an impact on our lives. These moments can be really exciting, stressful, happy, sad or scary. 

These moment make an impact on our life, for good or bad. These are the moment we will never forget. Many times we do know realize that one of these moment has happened until after the fact. These moment can not be planned, or expected. They come out of know where and surprise you. 

For example:

The moment when you find out that your friend who is only 17 years old has passed way.

The moment you decided to move to school

Along with that the moment you meet your new roommates and seriously reconsider your decision.

The moment you watch your grandpa slip from this earth, and the peace you did not expect to feel.

The moment you find out you are going to be an aunt!

The moment you realize you are an Aggie and there is nothing that will ever change that.

The moment you gain your own testimony that the church is true. 

That first moment you walk in to the temple for the first time.

And simpler moment like:

The moment when you are hanging out with your sisters and if feels like old times, and you cant help but smile.

The moment you storm the court after USU just won the WAC Championship and you touch Tai, and Brady.

The moment you are hanging out with your friends and you realize you really will be friends for ever, even though it sounds cheesy. 

The moment you and your entire Edwards family leave behind the modern world and spend a week in the woods.

The moment the Hurd starts the "winning team losing team" chant. 

And the moments I hope to have:

All the moments I will have with my future husband.

The moment I marry him in the Lords House for time and all eternity.

The moments I will have with my future children. 

All the moments I have left as an Aggie student.

The moments you have left with your family.

All of these moments make up our lives along with so many more moments. We have small moments everyday that can change the rest of our lives or just change the next couple days. 

I have been wanting to start a weekly blog post and I finally decided what it would be. It will be Moments. The moments from my week and other peoples weeks that are worth mentioning. I have not decided what day I will do it so be looking for it. 

There is always the moment when you realize that... Life (will) Goes On. 

Peace

**So all of my blog post are long. I am going to stop warning you and you can just read it if you want to.**

So my blog is not necessarily a religious blog even though it might seem like it. It just turns out that the only things that matter in my life can all be linked back to the Gospel. So no it is not a religious blog it is a blog about life.

These last couple weeks and months I have had the strangest sense of peace. It all started when I applied to be on the A-team at USU. The A-team is the freshmen orientation group on campus. I really wanted this job and was hopeful that I would get it. When I got the letter back saying I did not make it there was a hand written note at the bottom from the cute girl how is in charge of hiring people. The note said that she really wanted to hire me but could not and she asked me to please try again next year. After reading this note I just knew that the A-team was not where I was needed this summer. From then on I have had this peaceful feeling that it would all work out.

Now I always know that it will always work out but I usually stress anyway. Not this time, I have been applying for summer job after summer job and not getting any of them, and for the most part I was okay with it because I still had this peace. One day I got really sick of applying for all of these jobs that I thought would be fun and that I was perfect for. So out of anger and frustration I decided to apply for the Hurd committee. The Hurd is Utah States cheering section and the committee is over tail gating parties, student involvement with sports, service and a lot more (I am not actually sure what all they do). The next thing I know I am the new service head for the Hurd committee for 2013-2014.

At this point I was panicking, my school schedule for next year is going to be very time consuming and I work part time during the school year. Now I was going to have to juggle even more.   I did not know how I was going to make it work. Actually it finally set in that I got the position; the peace came back to me. Peace that God would not have let me get the position if it was not something I could hand, and if it was not where I was supposed to be. I also realized this has been an answer to my prays, and not just one of them. I pray for help to become more social, for the strength to meet new people, and for the opportunity to serve others. I am very excited to get the chance to meet new people and I hope that I will be able to bless people’s lives with the service projects I choose for next year. I know I will not be alone in this decision.

The moral of the story is, once again, that God has a plan for me and it is not just and end result. He does not just want me to return to live with him. He wants the time I spend on this Earth to strengthen and prepare me for what he as waiting for me after this life. I still have not found a summer job, I don’t know how I am going to make rent, and I don’t know what will happen next year or how all of this is going to work out. None of that matters, I know it is out of my hands and in more capable, knowledgeable hands.  No matter what happens, and where this all takes me in know that… Life Goes On.

Fathers

***Warning: This post is very long. My feelings will not be hurt if you don't read it!***

The last couple weeks I have been thinking a lot about Fathers. We left my own Father all alone over his birthday last week, and this week he is in the hospital recovering from knee surgery. My Brother in-law is preparing to be a new Father to a baby boy. I also have a loving Heavenly Father who I try to think about always. These men have many things in common. 

My own Father loves me and would do anything for me, I know that. If you know him you know that he shows those feelings in his own unique way. I no longer live with my Earthly father. I do not get to talk to him very much. He does not really like to talk on the phone and when he does it is mostly me talking and him listening. Mostly I email him. He always writes me back, it may not be right away but I always get an answer. He always knows what is going on in  my life and is aware of me and my needs.   He wants me to be save and be able to return to him. He gives me everything he can to make that possible. He made sure I had my concealed carry permit so I could protect myself before I was old enough for that he made sure I had pepper spray with me. Just this week he started a 72 hour kit for me and told me it was my "get home bag", but it did not have everything in it. He also gave me a list of things I needed to add to the kit. 

This week I related this to my Heavenly Father as well. My Heavenly Father loves me and has given me so many protections to use to get back to Him. Before I was old enough for the Gift of the Holy Ghost He gave me a family that could watch over and protect me. When I was old enough for the Spirit He provided me with the tools necessary to be able to use it. Obviously I no longer live with my Father in Heaven either. I have to communicate with Him in the same fashion that I do with my Earthly Father. I may not get my answer right a way, and it is not always the answer I want but it always comes. Like the kit my Father started for me my Heavenly Father gave me the basics I would need to get back. Again this kit will not get me all the way back unless I do some of my own preparation.

(Dad being a dork)

I know they both planned it this way so that they could help me even more. I had to want to come back to them and I also have to do my part. They both let me have my agency (which has to be scary for a parent) and watch over me to help if I use it in the wrong way. Seeing how much my Mother and Father love me and  the sacrifices they would and do make for me makes me grateful for their love. It makes me want to do everything I can so they do not have to make those sacrifices and to not cause them any pain. If they love me that much I cannot even comprehend how much my Heavenly Parents love me. I could not imagine what they would give to have me return to live with them. I have to try even harder to not hurt them or cause them pain in anyway. 

(I had to throw a good one in here)

I know my Heavenly Father has a plan for me that will work out. I know that he as made more worlds then we can comprehend and that he has more children then worlds. I also know that he took the time to develop a perfect plan for me. My own individual plan that is not like anyone else's. He knows where I will end up in this life and the next but he still takes the time to comfort me when I am lost and discouraged. He helps me remember the eternal perspective. I know as long as I am communicating with him everything will end with a Happily EVER After. If I do my part... Life Will Go On Forever. 

(P.S. Sorry it was so long I wanted to get that off my chest. Father and families in general are a wonderful blessing. Remind them how much you love them.) 

Where my Happily Ever After Begins

More Reasons That Life Goes On

It has been a while so this might be a long one. Hold on to your emotions, here we go. 

I don't even know where to start. Over Spring break our family has some pretty crazy, hard days. My Great Grandma was getting some tests done to see what is wrong with here. My Uncle was also getting tests done on his heart and we were waiting to hear the results of these test. On top of that our dear Annie was hospitalized Wednesday night because she was having seizures. We spend most of Wednesday night at the hospital with here. Thursday morning she was transferred to the local Vet. Thursday we had to make the decision to let our friend go. Now I know that not everyone loves does. My family is a dog loving family. We even put them in our family pictures (pictured below). Now I am not a huge dog person, but I cried for most of this 24 hour period that Annie was suffering and I do not feel stupid or ashamed because of that. I never imagined it would be so hard to lose her. She is missed. We did get some good news that day. My uncles test went well, better than we were expecting. He is going to be okay and that makes me very happy. He has a beautiful family and he is loved and need here on this Earth. We did not get anything from my Grandma's test. She is still not doing very well. We are heading out to see her next week. I am excited to see her and serve her in any way I can. We also got a new puppy. Her name is Izzy or Red Devil/Death. Which ever you prefer. She is spoiled and not as cool and Annie. We are working on it. 

Annie is the black and white dog on the right. Foxy is the fat one on the left. 

I said this would be long....

If you know me at all you should be surprised I have not talked about this already. 

That same Thursday night that we had to put Annie down the USU Basketball team played in the WAC tournament in Vegas. I was already emotional drained and their loss just sent me over the edge. I have not even thought about or talked about Basketball. I am finally over that and ready to move on. 

Our team this year had so many trials to over come. If you know me you know that I was right there with the for the ups and downs. Most of the hard core fans were. There was so we many heartbreaks this year and not very many joys. But no one can say that those boys did not give it everything they had all the way to the end. Even though we did not have a great season  my feels never changed for Aggie Basketball. I love being a part of the HURD. I love experiencing the ups and downs with the team and with my class mates. No matter what happens during the season, if the team is still out there giving it their all no one can ever take that a way form Utah State. After every season I go in to a Post Basketball Depression. Which is what is happening now. I need to find something else to help me bring some excitement to my mundane life. I have to  find reasons to make Jessica come to Logan. I need something to look forward to. As of now I have not found that. I still go to school, do homework, go to work, go to sleep, and do it all again the next day. Which sucks. But Aggie Football starts soon and Basketball always comes back with new hope, promise, and  excitement. Until next season I Believe That.... Life Goes On.